The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. Psalm 28:7
I am not entirely sure how to start this entry off since there are so many things on my mind that I want to get written down. You see, I have been a 'Christian' since my conception and have been saved for many years now, yet I still have that moment of panic that hits just before I see God move in my life (and the life of others). When God get ready to show you just who is in control of the show, he leaves no stone unturned!
A couple of weeks ago I noticed that my paycheck had me listed as single rather than married, so I called HR and got that switched. That little change resulted in almost $270 additional each month. I was very grateful for that as was George. Finally things were starting to look a little better - we had a few credit cards paid off, baby expenses were leveling off, the house in Orlando was in good shape and now we had a little bit of extra income. I felt great - I was already decorating the front rooms of the house in my mind.
I sat at my desk as my coworker shared that he and his family were in some pretty tough financial times. He is the only one that works plus they have 4 children. Now, he is an associate pastor at his church so he was already trusting in the Lord, but you could see that he was in distress. I told him 'John, you continue to give God what is his and he will meet your every need.' I meant that and he knew it to be the truth also. We talked on and then I got an email from Ty. Funny, in the middle of my conversation with John (while I was over joyed with my current financial situation) God chooses to 'work'.
Now, as you know Ty rents my house in Orlando which helps us out a great deal. He pays 3/4 of the mortgage plus I know the house is being taken care of in my absence. Well, Ty has taken a good job opportunity back in Tallahassee and he will be moving out in 2 weeks. I was not taken by surprise with this email since mama had already given me a heads up. However, there is a big difference in preparing for reality and living reality. While I was very happy for Ty, we now have 2 mortgages.
I realized immediately that God was using this as an opportunity to grow George and I in our faith. I knew that things would probably be tough for a few months, but we needed to trust that the Lord would take care of us. I was ready for the task. I called George and we discussed and he went from panic to calm to panic to calm. I have been through a few more (and much longer) financial droughts than George has so I knew I had to live my faith in front of him as to keep him more in the 'calm' than in the 'panic'.
So here is where we are... we have to rent out the house. This means going through a management company. We will have to pay the management company for their services, we won't be able to rent the house for the amount of the mortgage which means if something happens - we have no back up money. My payment goes up in March because I lost homestead when I moved the Texas. Until it rents we have 2 payments, water and utilities. It's Christmas too... while we don't HAVE to buy for each other, we do have others we must buy for (6 year olds don't understand financial woes!). We have vacation coming up at the end of the month also. To top things off, we are on the last box of diapers that were given to us via the diaper derby at George's office. This means that for the first time since Andrew was born, we have to buy diapers. You know, they ain't cheap!!! So now, that 'raise' I got has been snatched away and then some.
Regardless of the circumstances at hand, I know God is in control. I know this because he has worked such miracles in my life in the past. It is good to look back sometimes because it gives you strength to move forward. George and I sat at the table and discussed what we were going to do and I told him 'It is easy to trust God when you can handle it without him, it is a totally different thing when you realize you can't handle it without him.' I watched George put our tithe check in the offering plate on Sunday and I knew what an act of faith that was. I am excited to see how God moves in our lives over the next few months, but I don't want to wait until he does to praise him for it. This time I am praising him in advance for the blessings that will come.
I know that God may choose not allow my house to rent for 6 months or ever. I also know that if he doesn't then he will provide what we need to make the payments. If a prolonged period of financial struggling is what is needed to grow our faith then I am prepared for that. Don't misunderstand me... I DO NOT want a prolonged period of financial struggling, but if that is part of the plan, then I am willing. Having to fully lean on the Lord and watching him bring us through can only make us better parents, better spouses and better servants. That's the whole point, right?