and all, whatever ye may do in word or in work, [do] all things in the name of the Lord Jesus -- giving thanks to the God and Father, through him. Col.3:17

So, this was a verse that was often quoted in our house growing up, but more often it was demonstrated. Honestly, I never really applied it to my life until last year. This is not to say that I didn’t do a good and honest job before then, but it wasn’t until a year ago that I had to really decide to do my job as if I was doing it for the Lord.

You see last January I was still working in a temp job for an Oil & Gas consulting firm here in Houston. I had been certain that God had called me to get my teaching certification and begin teaching 4th graders. So, I got the certification ($1000 later) and took a temp job to make ends meet until God opened a door in the school system. The problem is – he never did. I didn’t get any calls on a teaching job. At my temp job I was being led to believe that they were creating an IT job for me. Daily I was asked to just be patient and they would have a job for me. Meanwhile, I did basic office tasks which included filing, data entry and stocking the snacks in the break room (sure, I ate a few along the way.)

This was all fine and dandy until the day came that I had to get coffee for 2 clients that had come in. I held back tears for the rest of the day and when I got in my car, the tears flowed. How Lord, how could you put me in a position that I am fetching coffee for others? All those people who did me wrong and treated me like I was nothing more than the office blond at previous jobs would be laughing now. This job was not below me, but it was way below my education level. In fact, my education level was above half of those I was filing for! I cried all the way home. But, this verse never left the forefront of my mind. So, I told the Lord that if this was where he wanted me, then I would do my job as if I was doing it for him.

It was about 3 weeks later that I got an email from a local headhunter that had seen my resume. He wanted to touch base with me to see if I would be interested in programming position here in Houston. I hesitated to call him – God had called me to teach. But, I felt a constant nagging, so I called 3 days later. It seems that the 99 Cent Only Stores needed a Sr. Software Developer in their Katy office. Now here is the thing – Houston is the 4th biggest city in the nation and the this job was literally down the road from my house. PICK is not a common language – and there is a PICK job right down the road from my house. This seemed to good to be true. Then I saw the word that struck fear to my core – SENIOR! I could not be a Senior developer… no way. I have never been given the chance to do that. I almost told the guy no because I was scared. But, I agreed to interview – what was the worst that could happen?

To tell you truth, there was a lot that could happen. I prayed and prayed about this interview. If I messed it up and came off as an idiot then I would feel that I WAS an idiot – it was how I had been treated my entire professional career. I just could not understand how God could send me this opportunity knowing what a disaster it would be and how I would feel. Plus – I was 7 months pregnant. There was no way they were going to hire me. The interview went well – I met with the manager, director and VP. I disclosed my pregnancy and answered the questions well enough. The job was a Senior position and I didn’t feel qualified. Two weeks later – I GOT THE JOB – and 1 week later I started as a Sr Developer (although that title is written nowhere – LOL).

What a blessing! It was a blessing and if the story ended there I would be eternally grateful for all the Lord had done, but it didn’t end there. Turns out I got paid maternity leave, I have Christian bosses and coworkers– real Christians, and get to wear jeans everyday if I so choose. I am the lead developer on the biggest project that is going right now, and I am doing a great job. I know this because both my manager and my director have called me in to let me know. I don’t say this boastfully, I say it in awe. God…Jesus… loves me so much that gave me this job – like a cupcake on a gold pletter. He wants me to know that he KNOWS I am a capable, smart and professional woman. Everyday I give this job back to the Lord. Everyday I do my job as if I am doing it for him.

I don’t know for sure, but I think God was waiting for me to be willing to fetch coffee for Him, before he would reveal his plans for me. I have no clue why I have a teaching certification; maybe I will use it one day, maybe not. Today, I really don’t care, I just want to do this job until the Lord leads me to the next. What are you doing today? Are you an engineer, an office admin or a stay at home mom? Whatever you are doing today, do it for the Lord – even if you aren’t doing what you planned. The blessings are many.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Psalms 119:105

I, like most people, have had many bibles over the years. The one I carry now is inscribed with my married name – Libby Juarez. Aunt Maedeb got it for me as a wedding gift and I carry it with me to church every Sunday. I like that bible a lot, but it is not my bible (Sorry Aunt Maedeb). That bible is my Sunday bible and is in the same category as my Sunday clothes are – prim, proper and meant for Sunday. Then there is my bible. My bible is much like your fat pants – a comfy friend that you love to see.

I remember when I got that bible, I wanted it so bad. The church always gave the graduating seniors a new bible the Sunday before graduation. King James Version – Scofield Study Bible, burgundy. That’s been almost 12 years ago now. I have lots of notes in there, underlined passages and a few candy wrappers that haven’t been discarded. This is my ‘go to’ bible. I can navigate that thing like as good as Billy Graham! Ok, that may be a little bit of a stretch, but you get my point.

When I was in the worst of my panic attacks, I experienced such violent and graphic dreams that I could not sleep, going days without much sleep at all. I would grab my bible and sleep with it as close to me as I could get it. As crazy as it sounds, that worked. The peace of God literally flowed from those leather bound pages and gave me rest.

A few nights ago, I laid down early and reached for my bible before cutting off the light. Both bibles were sitting there, but I grabbed my bible. I instantly felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me and reminding me of all the difficulties that bible has seen me through. I really don’t know what I would do or where I would be without God’s word. I am the first to admit that I am much to cavalier when it comes to my ‘daily bible readings’ but, my new years resolution is to change that. My prayer is that the Lord will create an increasing desire for his word and for time with him. I have learned that God delivers on these types of request.

Since finding out I was pregnant with Andrew, my aim in life has been to raise Andrew in such a way that he seeks and realizes God plan for his life. I know that he was created for a purpose and God has great things for him. I truly believe that it is our – George & I – responsibility to guide him and point him in that direction. God has brought it to my attention, however, that I have neglected someone in that quest – ME!

God does have a plan and purpose for Andrew’s life, but he also has one for mine. Just because I got married and had a baby doesn't mean that he is done with me and is on to Andrew now. So, what is God’s purpose for my life now? I have no idea, but I want to find out and he wants to reveal it – in his time. Now, before you roll your eyes and think that I am a little too stuck on myself, you are in the same place! God has a plan for each and every one of us. He hasn't called us home yet which means he isn't done yet - I read that in my bible. That should be exciting to us.

I have learned the most from my parents by watching them. Maybe, just maybe the best way to raise Andrew to realize God’s plan for his life is to allow him to watch as I realize God’s plan for my life.

The Voice of God

This past weekend George and I got the itch to get a new car. Not so much a car, but an SUV - anything with more space. Now for those of you reading this and shaking your head saying ' I tried to tell you that when you bought a Jetta!', all I say to you is that you make your decisions based on 1 - prayer and 2 - the information you have at the time. At the time we purchased our small Jetta, we needed a commuter car for George and gas prices were at $4 a gallon. The Jetta was the ONLY vehicle we had a peace about and that is why we got it. So put that wagging finger back in your pocket.

ANYWAY... we decided to look at the Chevy Traverse since we really like it, it's roomy and it is American made. When we got to the dealership, it was closed. We looked at the prices and doubted we could have afforded it anyway. Perhaps we can, but it wasn't in the cards for us on Saturday. Bummed, we left to go finish our Christmas shopping. We had a wonderful day laughing and strolling through the mall together. We didn't even complain about having to change Andrew's very poopy diaper (and pants) in the car twice. My child actually had to ride home in a shirt and his diaper. Redneck?!?!

On the way home George starting talking about the Traverse and how we got 'shut down'. He laughed that God shut the door to that deal really quick. Wagging his finger in the air he said (with a very thick Spanish accent) 'No, No Jorge! Not today Jorge!!". I of course I laughed and asked him if that is how God sounds, to which he responded 'To me he does!' We both laughed as we quickly unloaded the car of child and gifts. His comment, however stayed on my mind.

I thought about what George had said and thought about what God's voice sounds like to me. Perhaps I should say what the Holy Spirits 'voice' sounds like to me. When I am 'chatting' with the Lord about light hearted things and I need a friend, I get a very witty response from him which includes words like 'dude', 'little fella', 'girl' and phrases such as 'Oh my', 'Now you know good and well...', and 'Puh-lease'. You see, when I chat with the Lord - sometimes I laugh. He makes me laugh because he has a sense of humor - he has to, why else would he have given me a sense of humor?

There are times, however, when I do not feel like laughing. Times when I am sad and I guidance and not a friend. These are the times when the Lord's voice is very soothing. Very calm and to the point. He very quickly, in a very loving tone reminds me who he is. He feels me with a sense of security because of what he says and how he says it. I truly find rest in the voice of the Lord.

So, does he speak to everyone the way he speaks to me? Maybe, but I don't think so. I am sure he says the same things, but the way he says them is probably different. As I thought about this, I realized that the voice of the Lord is very similar to the voice of the women in my family, mainly mama - but also all the other women including Grandma. You see, they are the one's who I have always laughed and cried with. They are the ones who get late night phone calls of panic and distress and talk me off the ledge. They are the earthly people who I have always ran to 'to make it all better'. It only makes sense that the voices that love the me the most would be the voice that accompanies God's words to me. Does that make any sense at all?

I know plenty of God fearing people who I am sure talk to the Lord daily. I feel certain God does not say to them 'Whatever giruhl, you are too crazy!!'. I just find it hard to believe - I could be wrong. I find it hard to believe that when the Lord speaks to my non-English speaking Mother-in-Law that he says 'Dude, those quesadilla's look awesome!'. I think he probably speaks very revrent with a soft tone and in Spanish. He speaks all the languages - not just Southern.

Now, please do not think that I am trying to paint God as a sufer dude. I am just saying that when he speaks to me he is funny at times. He is my very best friend which means - I think- he takes on the personality of someone I would actually be friends with on Earth. I think he does that for all of us. When I call my closest friends we can tell with in the first 30 seconds if it is going to a funny call or an 'I need advice' call. God takes way less than 30 seconds!

So, I don't doubt that God sometimes calls George 'Jorge' and speaks in a thick accent. Why not - George does that and so does his family when they are being funny. I am sure when God is teaching and comforting George he drops the accent and speaks in a loving, reassuring tone - whatever that is to George. God is ever amazing to me - continually shows me how Great he is. One day 'Dude' will drop from my vocabulary and I am sure it will then drop from the Lords and will be replaced with something else. How does the Lord speak to you? Do you even know?

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. Psalm 28:7

I am not entirely sure how to start this entry off since there are so many things on my mind that I want to get written down. You see, I have been a 'Christian' since my conception and have been saved for many years now, yet I still have that moment of panic that hits just before I see God move in my life (and the life of others). When God get ready to show you just who is in control of the show, he leaves no stone unturned!

A couple of weeks ago I noticed that my paycheck had me listed as single rather than married, so I called HR and got that switched. That little change resulted in almost $270 additional each month. I was very grateful for that as was George. Finally things were starting to look a little better - we had a few credit cards paid off, baby expenses were leveling off, the house in Orlando was in good shape and now we had a little bit of extra income. I felt great - I was already decorating the front rooms of the house in my mind.

I sat at my desk as my coworker shared that he and his family were in some pretty tough financial times. He is the only one that works plus they have 4 children. Now, he is an associate pastor at his church so he was already trusting in the Lord, but you could see that he was in distress. I told him 'John, you continue to give God what is his and he will meet your every need.' I meant that and he knew it to be the truth also. We talked on and then I got an email from Ty. Funny, in the middle of my conversation with John (while I was over joyed with my current financial situation) God chooses to 'work'.

Now, as you know Ty rents my house in Orlando which helps us out a great deal. He pays 3/4 of the mortgage plus I know the house is being taken care of in my absence. Well, Ty has taken a good job opportunity back in Tallahassee and he will be moving out in 2 weeks. I was not taken by surprise with this email since mama had already given me a heads up. However, there is a big difference in preparing for reality and living reality. While I was very happy for Ty, we now have 2 mortgages.

I realized immediately that God was using this as an opportunity to grow George and I in our faith. I knew that things would probably be tough for a few months, but we needed to trust that the Lord would take care of us. I was ready for the task. I called George and we discussed and he went from panic to calm to panic to calm. I have been through a few more (and much longer) financial droughts than George has so I knew I had to live my faith in front of him as to keep him more in the 'calm' than in the 'panic'.

So here is where we are... we have to rent out the house. This means going through a management company. We will have to pay the management company for their services, we won't be able to rent the house for the amount of the mortgage which means if something happens - we have no back up money. My payment goes up in March because I lost homestead when I moved the Texas. Until it rents we have 2 payments, water and utilities. It's Christmas too... while we don't HAVE to buy for each other, we do have others we must buy for (6 year olds don't understand financial woes!). We have vacation coming up at the end of the month also. To top things off, we are on the last box of diapers that were given to us via the diaper derby at George's office. This means that for the first time since Andrew was born, we have to buy diapers. You know, they ain't cheap!!! So now, that 'raise' I got has been snatched away and then some.

Regardless of the circumstances at hand, I know God is in control. I know this because he has worked such miracles in my life in the past. It is good to look back sometimes because it gives you strength to move forward. George and I sat at the table and discussed what we were going to do and I told him 'It is easy to trust God when you can handle it without him, it is a totally different thing when you realize you can't handle it without him.' I watched George put our tithe check in the offering plate on Sunday and I knew what an act of faith that was. I am excited to see how God moves in our lives over the next few months, but I don't want to wait until he does to praise him for it. This time I am praising him in advance for the blessings that will come.

I know that God may choose not allow my house to rent for 6 months or ever. I also know that if he doesn't then he will provide what we need to make the payments. If a prolonged period of financial struggling is what is needed to grow our faith then I am prepared for that. Don't misunderstand me... I DO NOT want a prolonged period of financial struggling, but if that is part of the plan, then I am willing. Having to fully lean on the Lord and watching him bring us through can only make us better parents, better spouses and better servants. That's the whole point, right?

Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations. Psalms 100:4-5

* March 30, 1978
* November 3,2007
* May 13,2008
* 80’s music
* 10 little fingers & 10 little toes
* A husband that doesn’t think I am fat and tells me I look great
* Nonfat Latte’s with extra whipped cream. =)
* A mother who raised me to make my bed every morning.
* The freedom to leave the house without making my bed in the morning.
* Water Parks with lazy rivers.
* Little Brown weenie dogs.
* A family that loves me and in laws that do as well.
* Knowing His voice.
* Bath time in with a cherub and a duck tub.
* Christian bosses and coworkers.
* Rainy Days.
* Sunshine Rays (sorry about the rhyming).
* A job I love!
* Baby Orajel
* Clothes that fit.
* 5:00 am spin classes.
* Costume Jewelry.
* Daycare workers who love my child.
* Having 5 Super Wal-Mart’s within 15 miles of the house.
* Pastries and Coffee on a Friday night.
* Bobby Bowden.
* Highways that stretch from Florida to Texas.
* MUCH cheaper gas.
* Dark Chocolate.
* A daddy that wants to build a bookshelf for his grandson.
* Mushroom & Garlic – no fat, tons of flavor.
* BOGO at Payless – year round now!
* $5 off coupons for Enfamil.
* Friends who are persevering through the hurt!
* Nail scared hands and an empty tomb.
* Cameras that capture moments I don’t want to miss.
* Collard Greens.
* The storage compartment under Andrew’s stroller.
* Hair Spray
* A past that was tough enough that I am looking forward to the future, but no so tough that I can’t look back and smile.
* Birds that chirp in the spring
* The sunrise that I get to see on my way home from the gym in the mornings.
* Baby Monitors
* Sugar Cereals
* Face Moisturizer
* Drinking Water (as opposed to Spring Water)
* Rocking Chairs on my parents porch.
* My diploma from FSU.
* Conference calls that end early.
* The opportunity to rock my baby to sleep each night.

What are you thankful for?

Making a vow, she pleaded, "LORD of Hosts, if You will take notice of Your servant's affliction, remember and not forget me, and give Your servant a son, I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life. 1 Samuel 1:11

It wasn't very long into my pregnancy that I began to realize how truly paranoid I am. I had read all the stories and talked to many other women who had walked this road before me and so I knew that the paranoia was just part of territory. I, however, felt that I should be above that. I knew God had created this child for a purpose and that he would take care of him according to his will. It was the 'according to his will' part that created a sense of panic in me.

I cannot count the sleepless nights I would lay awake counting kicks. If they were less in number than the night before, I would convince myself that something was wrong. I grew so concerned about the lack of kicks one night that I called mama and cried hysterically. Her response came in a tone that indicated I was in fact insane - she says 'Goodness Libby, the little fella needs to sleep to. You won't even let him take a nap!' It was true - I was constantly thumping my belly to wake him up so I could feel him move. Amazing that he doesn't hate me.

I was on my way home from work one night and cried all the way home. I was in my 25th week, approximatly, and Andrew just wasn't very active. I didn't feel him move all day. I just knew something had happened. I was still feeling so much guilt over the pregnancy, that my fears were being driven by this idea that something would happen as God's way of punishing me(I have since resolved that). Here I was though, weeping in my car because I thought God had allowed something to happen to Andrew.

I was stopped at the red light going into our neighborhood and I dropped my head and prayed for peace that Andrew was ok. I got peace - but it came from an unexpected answer. Many of you have never heard the Lord speak to you. Until you do, this may seem strange to you. The Lord spoke to me immediatly as I prayed. He simply said ' I will never leave you.'. I know this was the Lord for 2 reasons - first, I know his voice and second, if it had been my inner conscience, it would have said 'Andrew is fine, he will live a long and happy life!'. This isn't what was said or promised.

'I will never leave you'. Much more desireable and peaceful to a child of God. It was at that very moment I gave Andrew back to the Lord. Andrew is God's to with what he pleases. I know he pleases great things for Andrew's life - just as he does for yours and mine. I cannot wait to see what he does in Andrew's life - according to his will. It is a joy and a priveledge to watch it unfold.
A couple of weeks ago George and I had the opportunity to publicly give Andrew back to Lord. We participated in the Parent/Child Dedication ceremony at our church. There were probably about 50 couples presenting their children and I took a quick look just to confirm that we had the cutest and best dressed baby. CONFIRMED! We were surrounded by family and friends and for as simple as it was, it was oh so meaningful. Andrew is only on loan to me from the Lord and I pray that I am the mama He is trusting me to be with His child. For as much as I love him, God loves him so much more. It is true, I would die for him if I had to - but Jesus already died for him and he didn't have to.

I still have that fear that one day something may happen to Andrew and God will call him home before I feel the time is right. When this fear starts to creep up on me I am reminded of those words, 'I will never leave you', and my fear fades. Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song about a year ago, 'Yours', which he has recently released. Many of you know that in May, he lost his 5 year old daughter after she was hit by a car his son was driving. It was after this accident that he added the last verse to the song which goes like this:

I’ve walked the valley of death’s shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breath
I’ve had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you

This is truly the peace that passes all understanding. I think Steven Curtis Chapman has it and I am so glad that I do too.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me... To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified Isaiah 61:1-3

Do you know what this weekend is? This is the first weekend of
November and George and I will celebrate our 1 year wedding
anniversary this weekend. We won't be doing anything major to
celebrate, probably just a nice dinner somewhere... just the
two of us. Of course, that is a rare occasion these days. Not
often do parents with a 5 month old get much time alone.
I have been thinking a lot in the past few weeks about Nov. 3,
2007. What a day that was! Most of you were there. I couldn't
have been happier with my wedding, unless you count the fact
that more reception time would have been nice. I loved the
flowers, the music, the dress, the groom and the cake...boy,
did I love the cake! It was exactly what I wanted, even though
it will probably never be featured in Bride's magazine.
Here we are a year later and we are still pluggin' along. A
lot has changed. The honeymoon ended a lot sooner for us than
for most couples. We were faced with some pretty heavy issues
right off the bat and we found out that there is a reason why
God has an order for things. I would not recommend starting
out your marriage with a precious bundle blooming in your once
trim belly.

In the weeks that followed our wedding we busied ourselves
with getting all my stuff moved in, buying nursery furniture,
buying larger clothes and then even larger clothes. We learned
that while leaving my jewelry on the table is not a big deal
to me, it is maddening to George. Likewise, George can't see
the point in rinsing out his cereal bowl while all I can see
is extra minutes scrubbing that bowl before it can go in the
dish washer. I still haven't figured out why he thinks I
should do laundry on the night he wants it done rather than
the night I have time to do it. I mean, if you still have
clean underwear then what's the rush? By the time May rolled
around, when I did laundry was no longer an issue since I
couldn't get into the laundry basket unless I wanted to risk
not getting out of it.

Seven months into marriage and we were quite proud, we had
done pretty good. Then this... THING... came rising up out of
my belly (literally). This thing which I just knew would come out wearing
a sombrero instead came out with overalls and piece of hay
hanging out of his mouth. This thing changed our comfy little
marriage and left me with what my sister in laws lovingly
referred to as 'pizza dough' where a once cute belly button used to
be. I'd like to say I was as lovely as Jessica Alba post birth
- but, not so much. And George... good Lord, get that boy a nap!

OK, things did level off...well, they ARE leveling off. We are
adjusting. We haven't killed each other...yet (though some days we want to and other days we wish we had). We don't regret
getting married and we certainly don't regret that 'thing' which
has now become our very heartbeat. We have become a family -
warts and all complete with a 'sweet' little brown puppy.

Andrew is, at the moment, perfect. George however, is not
perfect. I'd like to think that I am close, but I think George
would tell you real quick that I am not. I have always heard
that the first year of marriage is the hardest. This made me
very glad to see 11/03/08 coming, then, out of the blue, mama
informs me that it is the first 5 years that are the hardest.
Crap...

In all seriousness though, I say it is true - The Spirit of
the Lord is upon me and he has given me beauty for ashes. God
took the ashes of my panic attacks and gave me the beauty of a
happy and evolving marriage. God took the ashes of my shame and gave me the
beauty of Andrew. God took the ashes of my sin and gave me the
beauty of Jesus. Take a minute and look at your beauty. Turn
around for a moment, a past full of ashes in exchange for a
future full of beauty.