Andrew,


The day is finally here… you’re graduating today! To be clear, this is only your pre-school graduation and you are only, just barely 5 years old, but I am still very proud of you. All grown up in your cap & gown, getting ready to start a very big and exciting new adventure in your life, you’ll never know how much of my heart belongs to you. My eyes are full of tears just thinking of who you are, where you began and where you will go. I want to clutch you under my protective wing and keep you safe from all the evil of this world. I cannot do that, I know, and you must head out and start making your own way, baby step by baby step. Knowing that, I’d like to take some time and tell you a few things before you go.

You are special because of whose child you are. My sweet baby boy, you belonged to God long before you belonged to me and your daddy. You are a child of the King and I pray you never for a minute let the enemy deny you of the Joy that comes with that knowledge. Go forward with boldness into a world that is in dire need of a few good men.

As long as there is a breath in my body, you will always have a cheerleader behind you. I’ll be behind you because you are growing up every day and I am noticing more and more how you don’t need me to lead you as much as you did yesterday. You don’t need me beside you, holding your hand because you are not a baby and you don’t want your friends to laugh (that makes my heart sting a little), but you do need me and you always will. You will always turn around; look around to find my face; to make contact with my eyes. And each time that happens I hear the ‘I love you’ that you sometimes can’t say and I know that you hear the silent ‘I love you too’… and I do!

“God has not called us to be successful, but he has called us to be faithful.” Mother Theresa is credited with this quote and it is my all time favorite! If only we could understand that we are made for a purpose and if we trust Him to find it, then and only then are we successful. You will encounter numerous people who will try to guide you on a path of worldly success, but if you are not where God has led you, it is for nothing. I pray with all my heart that you will hear His voice as you grow from boyhood to manhood and that you will follow where he leads. You were created for a purpose, find it!

Be kind, compassionate and love people. This will get you much further in life than the honor roll ever will. People need love. The world is in need of a kind word and a gentle spirit. I pray you will be the one who offers your snack to the classmate that never has one. I pray that you will play with the little boy who has no friends. That you will know when to step in and make a difference in someone’s life with an act of kindness. And if it takes someone being unkind to you in order for you learn that, then so be it, but I pray God protects my heart as you walk through your own hurt.

It’s okay to pull a pretty girls hair, but remember she is a lady and should be treated as such. This will be learned over time, I’m sure, but I hope that when you are grown and on your own you will say that your father and I modeled a Godly marital relationship for you.

It’s okay to be scared and to even cry, but know you are never alone. I cannot always be there for you, simple fact. But HE will NEVER leave you, faithful promise!

Know when the ball is not in your court and the fight is not yours. Best lesson Grandmama ever taught me. You may not always like the rules, but most of the times you need to follow them. Sometimes you will even be justified in your fight, but a wise man knows when the fight is worthwhile and when it is not. Respect authority and be a man of character and integrity for they are far and few between.

When the fight is yours, fight with love and respect. Sometimes you just have to stand up for what’s right. Do not let the world teach you when to fight or how to fight. If the fight is right, then the FIGHT will be right.

Pretend there is a prize for the ‘Best Big Brother’ and strive to win it every day! Never take this job lightly and always do it with honor. Even now Landon looks up to you as an example. If you laugh, he laughs. If you spit, he spits. If you throw your food across the kitchen… yep, he throws his food across the kitchen. This is all silly and harmless at 5 & 2 years old, but you are growing up fast and he will always be watching. You will be accountable for the example you set… let it be a good one.

Bad decisions do not define who you are. Get up, brush yourself off and do better next time. I know you will make mistakes; you’ve already made your fair share. I’ll be cheering you on for every good and right decision you make in life. But, on those occasions that you fall down and make the wrong decision, I will be there to help you up. I’ll be cheering the loudest as you learn from your mistakes and move forward in His grace.

Don’t lie. Just don’t do it… if you mess up, fess up. Yes, a half truth is a lie and there is no honor in that.

Never be ashamed to hug and kiss your mama… only God loves you more.

Baby boy I have said it a thousand times, but I never fully knew Gods grace until I saw your sweet face. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious and give you peace.

I Love You,

Mama

Boys,

I have tried countless time to write this post and I keep starting over. I feel it gets preachy and overshadows my point entirely. People don’t like ‘preachy’… if ever in your life you are called ‘preachy’, rest assured you were not just given a compliment.

We are living in very troubled times today. Not just in America, but the entire world. On a recent drive to the office my heart was so heavy. I cried all the way from the house to the office and was literally fearful of the world you boys will grow up in. We are living in a world where we are told to define what is good for our own selves, but not to impose that on others. We each have a moral compass in which to judge ourselves, but not our neighbor. Our Churches are full of people with different views on topics for which there is only one view, Gods view. The saddest part is that people have become so good at selling their view that you feel (and are told you are) foolish, narrow-minded and judgmental if you do not subscribe to it.

So, there I was driving to work and I cried “Lord, they are winning. The world has made a mockery of you. They have twisted your Word, your commandments and your Truth. They are selling a new truth and the world, or more importantly ‘your people’, is buying it. Why are you allowing it? Day after day, year after year you choose not to reach down and smite those that blaspheme you? I do not understand and I am sad and angry!” And honestly, that emotion was bubbling over in a very outward manner.

You know, there are times when you pray and the answer comes in time, and there are times when it is swift. This was one of those times. Immediately & clearly I heard Him speak to my heart and His words were firm, kind and unmistakable… “Man’s opinion of me does not change who I am. The worlds view of me changes from day to day – mood to mood. I am God – THE GOD - the same yesterday, today and forever.”

There was nothing more to say. He was right – obviously. We cannot change the attributes of God. We can define Him in any way we see fit and makes us feel better about ourselves, but that doesn’t make it so. And no, they are not winning. God wins. Period! Peace… peace only God can give when he speaks to you. When you allow Him to speak to you and you hear Him. I am so glad that I serve a God who speaks to me when I am doing the most mundane of daily activities.

Last week, our nation fell back into dark days as an Elementary School was attacked and the most innocent among us were taken. As a mother, I cannot imagine the grief of those parents. I feel so burdened to live in a time when evil just walks the street among us. But it always has, hasn’t it? Oh Lord, I need Your Peace now, but not just me Lord, those parents; this nation. This world is in need of the One who holds it in His hand.

Listening to the radio recently I heard Casting Crowns version of ‘I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day’. I’ve never cared for this song until I heard this version and it is, in my opinion, amazing! I loved it from the beginning, but then these words broke through “God is not dead nor does he sleep…” Peace. He was speaking to me again. Not just words that make a good poem/ song, but rather words of Truth! I cannot know the mind of God or why he allows the things he allows. All I know is that in light of eternity, the pain we may feel on this earth is just a bleep on the radar. I know the same God that gives me Peace is giving it tenfold to those that are experiencing unimaginable pain today. I know this because He has promised this. And He always keeps his promises.

As Christmas draws near, I am praying that the Light of Jesus is evident in our home. I am praying that even in your adolescents, you can understand that it’s ALL about a baby delivered of a virgin to deliver us. I pray the Peace of God over you; that you may grow to love and honor Him with your lives. As much as I love you, He loves you more.

Link to Casting Crowns ‘I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7670CXvPX0

Much Love and Merry Christmas,

Mama

Ordinary!

At the urging of my mother, I am postponing my latest ‘letter to the boys’ and am going to share with you about the morning I had. Oh, this isn’t a special morning… this is a typical morning. Every morning ends the same way… with my falling into my desk chair, hair askew, face to the desk blindly fumbling for my coffee cup because a cup of coffee will make it all better! I wanna cry, but I work with all men (of various cultures) who have no tolerance for crying women and frankly, most of which believe this is my punishment for choosing to ‘work outside the home’!

My alarm went off at the normal time of 5:30 am – the only sound was the gentle hum of the ceiling fan & the sprinkler in the backyard. I woke with my typical hot flash and went to dabbing sweat and gave brief consideration to throwing myself violently into the sprinkler. George frowns upon such dramatic displays, so instead, I kicked my legs out from under the covers and decided to skip the morning workout and deny myself breakfast instead. Seems like a fair trade. Eventually, I rolled out, got in the shower and as treat to myself (and George) shaved my legs! I stopped at the knee because it’s Thursday and I didn’t want to get too carried away!

Fast forward about 20 minutes – Andrew is now awake and I hear cooing come from Landon’s room. I scurry to get him from the crib (there’s about 1 millisecond before cooing turns into screaming) with Andrew right at my heels begging for breakfast – seems these kids want breakfast EVERY.SINGLE.MORNING! So I quickly put 2 toaster strudels in the toaster grab 2 cups for milk only to be infromed by Andrew that he doesn’t want milk, he wants water. At least he is proficient at serving himself water. Andrew at table with iced strudel (& water); Landon in chair with cut up iced strudel (minus one piece I ate myself… to check for proper temperature, of course) & milk. Cartoons on… breakfast is served.

It was at this time that George walked into the kitchen. Here’s the thing about my beloved – he escapes the morning routine every day. He walks out of the house with clothes fitting perfectly, every hair in place and always looking perfectly rested. It is for this reason alone that I snickered to myself as I noticed he was walking out of the house with a wrinkled shirt, unaware! HAHAHA, revenge… that’ll teach him! He turned on his way to the door and gave a ‘ta-ta’ wave as he smiled, telling us how much he loved us all. We all 3 looked at him, returning the same wave & smile. He then proclaimed ‘I love those boys – they are just perfect’. I’m sure he meant me too. For that brief moment we really were the Cleavers and being as such, I should have known ‘The Beav’ was about to wreck havoc on the morning. Which one is ‘The Beav’ you ask? Both!

With the children eating breakfast, I went to blow dry my hair. Why I even bother, I don’t know. The end result is always a guessing game as to which animal my style represents today. While blow drying, I look around the corner into the kitchen to see a wide-eyed Andrew staring at me. Never good. I turn off the blow dryer and walk in the kitchen. Immediately he says “I didn’t do it… Landon did it”. I look over at Landon; he is happily watching TV about 3 feet in front of a puddle of water with Andrew’s cup floating in it. I could only see the back of Landon’s head (a shame really, if I had seen the front I would have known he was painting himself with the filling from his cherry strudel), and I knew Landon did not spill the water. Andrew lied… oh, BEAV!

I pull Andrew into the bedroom and explain to him that I am not mad about the water, but that he lied to me and must sit in timeout. Spanking Andrew really doesn’t work – good Lord, we’ve tried. But, he hates time out, so we use it. He cried & wailed as if I had beaten him within an inch of his life. I cleaned up the water (unaware the quiet one was still ‘painting’) and finished my hair. I then pulled Andrew in my lap to reinforce why he got in trouble and that lying was not acceptable. He says he understands. I feel like we’ll have this talk again soon.

We go into the kitchen and I tell him to get dressed while I dress Landon. It is at this point I realize there is cherry filling everywhere in Landon’s general vicinity and he thinks it is hysterical! Oh, BEAV! I go get a washcloth – seriously, bounty doesn’t stand a chance, and begin the process of bathing my kid. While cleaning up this mess, I notice that Andrew has grown increasingly frustrated with his shirt. It’s a Polo style with 2 buttons and he couldn’t get it over his head. So, he took the shirt, swung it around his head about 4 times (wearing nothing but his underwear, mind you), started screaming and then flung it into the kitchen. Then he picked up his shorts and repeated the process…oh, BEAV! I made him bring me his clothes and I scolded him for his behavior and told him that it was inappropriate. Do you know what happened in that VERY moment? I kid you not; God said to me “that is exactly what you do when you think your clothes don’t fit”. Seriously, Lord? While I know you are correct (and point well taken, I truly have been known to stand in my underwear swing my clothes over my head and fling them into the wild, blue yonder!), I don’t recall inviting down for this teachable moment!?

I help Andrew get dressed and give a graham cracker to satisfy his never ending hunger while I dress Landon. I make my way to Landon’s room and begin to dress him. This process alone is why I do not feel guilty over ignoring my workout. I sit him down; he immediately turns onto his stomach, plants his face and puts it butt in the air. I flip him over and we do this 3 times. By the time I get his diaper off, my heart is racing and I have broken a sweat. By the time his new diaper is on, I realize it not on straight and his left butt cheek is hanging out. I make a rational decision that if I hurry, I can drop him off at school before he poops and the crooked diaper becomes an issue. He is finally dressed and I put him down, taking a seat in the rocking chair to catch my breath.

Now, it’s time to finish Andrew… I really, truly hate this part. Teeth & hair. Again with the drama. I am killing him because the ‘toothpaste burns’. As he spits the toothpaste in the sink, Landon (standing on the stool admiring himself in the mirror), runs his hands through the spit. We make it through that, but before I can catch Andrew, he wipes his mouth on the towel before rinsing. Toothpaste all over the towel. I heard myself correct him in a very high pitched voice. At this point, the boys are ready for departure. I just needed about 5 more minutes to myself and I thought I could count on Mickey Mouse to help me out. So, I put them in front of the TV (gasp… yes, I use my TV as a baby sitter, who wants to know?) and head off to finish myself up.

While putting on my shoes, Andrew brings me a leaf from the Peace Lilly. “Look what Landon did…” Oh, BEAV! I walked out of my room and noticed about 10 more leaves in the middle of the floor and several more in Landon’s hand. The Peace Lily was feeling anything but Peace… ironic?! I cleaned up the leaves, turned off the TV (thanks for nothing, MICKEY!!). As I herded both boys towards the door (only 8 minutes late), I remembered Ward (umm, George) saying “Make sure to leave the house clean, my parents are coming tonight”. Umm… well maybe Mother Juarez can clean the kitchen for me, but I ‘gots ta go’!

Get Andrew in the car, toss laptop in, round Landon up, buckle him in, back inside to set the alarm, grab water, find keys (forgot sunglasses), and we’re off! Skid into daycare on 2 wheels and get out of car about 2 seconds before it was actually in ‘park’. Oops… Take Landon out, have Andrew search for the Sippy cup under the seat, brush graham cracker crumbs off his face and take a deep breath… I’m almost to the finish line! A polite smile to the front desk staff (they do not look like they had the same morning). Andrew will only go into his room without crying if I let him help me drop Landon off. I open Landon’s door and he literally clings to the door frame. As I try to pry him loose, Andrew is clinging to my legs and I cannot walk. Still smiling (ever the professional) I snatch Landon off the door and throw him at his teacher – bye dude! I then drop Andrew off in his room – a little less drama (thankfully).

As I walk back down the hall (15 minutes to coffee), I straighten my shirt, hope the cherry filling on my pants isn’t too noticeable and I actually feel like I look ok today. Well, right then I walked into the parking lot and passed a woman who blew my confidence to smithereens in what I swear was a slow motion passing. She had beautiful, wavy brunette hair (did NOT resemble an animal!), was VERY thin (I presume she adopted because there is no way that child came from her stomach!), and her heels matched her pencil skirt perfectly! I sat myself in the car and determined that she probably had matching lingerie on too. The only thing I had to offer was the JC Penny underwear I bought 3 years ago which were currently sitting 4 inches above the top of my pants. Face to hands, I moaned “I am so ordinary”… and not in a good way.

Do you ever feel like this? Ordinary? Maybe even less than ordinary? I think we all have our days, even the woman with gorgeous hair and nice shoes! But, am I ordinary? Who am I, really? This is who I am:

I am the salt of the earth…Matt. 5:13

I am the light of the world…Matt. 5:14

Out of my innermost being flows rivers of living water…John 7:38

I am loved by Jesus…John 15: 9

I belong to God, I am His…John l 7: 9

I am beloved of God, a saint... Rom. 1:7

I am an heir of God and fellow heir with Christ…Rom. 8:17

I am a sanctified saint in Jesus Christ…I Cor. 1:2

I am God’s fellow-worker, I am God’s field, God’s building…I Cor. 3:9

I am a temple of God in which the Spirit of God indwells…I Cor. 3:16

I am a fragrance of Christ to God among both the saved and the lost…2 Cor. 2:15

I am crucified with Christ. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me, and the life I live now I live by faith…Gal. 2:20

I am a child of God through Jesus Christ…Eph. 1:5

I have a power source within me which is able to do abundantly beyond all that I ask or think…Eph. 3:20

I am confident that He who began a good work in me will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus…Phil. 1: 6

I am part of a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people 1 Pet 2:9

I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works Eph 2:10.

The list goes on & on… This is just a small sample of who I am in Christ. I may be ordinary to the world, but to those 2 babies I just dropped off, I am anything but ordinary. More importantly, to Christ, well, he delights in me! He is cheering me on and equipping me with the wisdom to do this job well. THIS job of motherhood which is the hardest job I’ve ever done. To whom much is given, much is required. Yes, each day presents both new & familiar challenges and many times I wind up feeling rather worthless. I mess up and I get up. I’m sure you can relate. But there is nothing in scripture to back up that feeling. There is no truth to the lies of the enemy. I can rest in the truth of God’s word and know that every morning will begin with two things: That familiar hot flash & new mercies.

I pray you wake up tomorrow with only new mercies!

Boys,

I was taught a very valuable lesson recently and guess who the teacher was? You! Both of you, actually! Now, this happens often to parents, but rarely do we slow down enough to accept the lesson. It is very humbling to know a 3 year old and a 1 year old can teach what you should have known all along. What you should have been teaching them.

I hope by the time you read this it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to you. I hope you are not nodding your head saying “Yep that sounds like mama alright!”. I would like to think I have grown in the years since I wrote this letter, that I have truly taken this lesson to heart.

You see, as of 2011 I have a major hang up which, in a matter of seconds can take me from a Praise-The-Lord-Hallelujah fit to a Pulling-My-Hair-Out-I-Hate-Life fit. Seriously, I admit it is really bad and unacceptable. What is this horrible hang up? My clothes (and hair if I am being honest)… ok let’s just say my appearance overall. Or at least my perception of my appearance at any point in time. Absurd… truly!

So, anyway… one night your father thought he would help me out and put the clothes from the washer in the dyer for me. Not until the dryer buzzed in completion did I realize that my jeans were in there… MY JEANS HAD BEEN DRIED! Oh boys, boys, boys… mama does not dry her jeans. Things happen in the dryer and they happen to only my clothes. They shrink at least 2 sizes. Seriously my loves, I’m even considering opting out of drying my underwear! Shrunken underwear is worse than shrunken jeans! Trust me….

Well, at the realization of my surely shrunken jeans I sailed up from whatever I was doing and I started crying. I really cried. Not only had my jeans been dried… but they were my fat jeans! You know that onepair of jeans that you can always wear and they don’t touch you anywhere?? Those jeans had been shrunk… they were no longer my fat jeans, but rather just my jeans. I had to go to bed, emotionally spent at the thought of what tomorrow morning would be like when I tried to put them on.

I got up early the next morning to work out… maybe if really gave it my all, I would lose a few pounds before getting dressed. I waited until your father left for work to get dressed. A quick little prayer later I slid my jeans on. They fit… they fit like any other pair of jeans. They were no longer my fat jeans, they touched me. I cried. I am not kidding you, I cried. I put on my makeup… tears being shed the entire time. I did my hair and of course it laid up there like a dead rat that had been moussed and blow dried! Pure sadness all the way around. At this point I threw the brush… threw it in rage. I can tell you it was not the first time I took my bad hair day out on my hair brush. Odd behavior…

Oh well, who cares… I’m just a sad old mother. May as well go buy a mini-van and wear elastic waistband the rest of my life. This is when I decided to get you boys ready. Oh Landon, you looked precious but honey you crawled behind me for at least 100 minutes crying, wanting to be picked up. You kept pulling on my legs all the while rubbing snot down the backside of my shrunken jeans. Nerves hanging on by a thread at this point.If I could just get your teeth brushed, Andrew and hair done I could get out the door and be done! Oh Andrew, at age 3 you do not stand still at all. Your hair was askew and toothpaste had dropped on your shirt. I lost it. I yelled at you both… I may have thrown your hair brush too.

You both started crying and I so did I. I was so ashamed because I had taken my shrunken jeans out on you. I picked you up (Andrew) and told you I was sorry and I loved you very much. I told you both it was not your fault mama was sad and I was wrong to yell at you. Landon, you smiled at me as if I was the greatest, most perfect person in the world. And in your little 1 year old eyes, I was. Andrew, you said ‘I forgive you mommy.’ And when I said ‘Thank-You, buddy’, you said ‘You should have some candy, it’ll make you feel better’. How sweet are you?

Once I got you dropped off at school and I got quiet for a few minutes, God really started to deal with me. He reminded me of Proverbs 31. Every churched woman in the world aspires to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Two verses were very appropriate on this morning:

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. (Prov 31:25)

Clothed in strength & dignity? Nowhere were my jeans mentioned. I certainly had not been clothed in either strength or dignity this morning. And I certainly was not laughing.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (Prov.31:30)

Every woman in the world needs to hide this verse in her heart. Boy do I have to go back to it on a daily basis. This world really wants me to believe my worth is found in my pants size and youthful skin, but that is not what God cares about (however, he does care about being healthy – another topic for another day). God is far more concerned about matters of the heart. He is concerned about my relationship with Him. Where I stand with Him flows directly into my relationship with others – particularly you and your father.

I sat in the parking lot of worked and just cried and asked the Lord to forgive me. I asked him to help me to focus on the things that matter. To put my outward beauty into proper perspective and not lose sight of what is important in His eyes. I would much rather be a good, Godly mother and wife than to turn heads when I walk down the street.

I also thought about what true forgiveness is. You boys had been the face of what forgiveness should look like. I was not kind to either of you. You had every right to be mad at me. But, when I asked you to forgive me, you not only smiled and did so, but you tried to make me feel better. Landon you just gave me a look of adoration and Andrew, you tried to fix it with candy. No, candy couldn’t fix it, but your sweet, Christ-like attitude went a long way in helping.

I thank God for you both daily. You are so sweet and so very special. You truly are gifts to this world and I know God his hand on you. I thank Him that he made me slow down a little and learn a lesson from 2 small children. I pray that as you grow in both wisdom & knowledge, that you will never cease to learn lessons from ‘the least of these’. Sometimes we are the teacher and sometimes we are the student. God is always working in your lives, so stay alert, learn from your mistakes and be willing to teach others!

Love you much,
Mama

Boys,

"God has not called us to be successful. He has called us to be faithful."
– Mother Teresa

I have had that quote scribbled on a post-it note at work for over 2 years, just above my computer
monitor. I look at it about 50 times a day and really meditate on it. I have wanted to write about it since I first found it. I have started a post countless times and I always get stuck. I just cannot seem to convey in words the truthfulness and deep conviction I sense every time I read it.

Earlier this week I sat myself down to finally finish the post; it has been nearly 2 months since
my last entry – the time is now. Stuck again! I am really not a writer, so I cannot claim writers block. I can’t claim lack of knowledge since all I want to convey is what is actually in my heart and head. So what is it Lord, why can I not write about what seems so important to me?

Finally, the answer… I don’t need to ‘teach’ you the importance and meaning of Mother Teresa’s
statement. I just need to show it to you and then it is up to you what you do with it.

You see, my sweet boys, if you really allow that statement to resonate with you, it could
dramatically change the course of your lives. That statement completely contradicts
the conventional ‘wisdom’ of this world. You are already (at 3 years old & 10 months old) being prepped for a lifetime of great achievement. Your father and I will actually be judged on your success in life. What you need to know and hold tightly to is the fact that the world’s definition of success and God’s definition of success is totally different.

True success is not measured by money or the things you have. It is not measured by the number
of people who know your name or how many books are written by you or about you. Sure, God’s plan for your life may be CEO of a major company or a Nobel Peace Prize winner. But, it may be that God has called you to be one of the greatest missionaries of modern time – like Mother Teresa, with very little material possessions. Chances are it is somewhere in between. I don’t know what he has created you for...

My prayer for you as you grow into young men and then men and then old men, is that you
continually seek the Lord’s purpose for you in life. He does have a purpose for you. His word specifically tells us that:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

Those plans may go dramatically against what you have planned for yourself and certainly what the world has planned for you. We must, as His children, prayerfully seek His guidance and commit to stay the course. Sure, you may (and probably will) get side tracked from time to time, but get back in line with His plan for you and keep on keepin’ on.

It is only… ONLY … through faithfulness to God that you will ever taste true success.

I Love, Love, Love You,
Mama

Boys,

I love you, Lord, my strength. Ps 18:1

I am so excited to write you this letter today. God has been burning this letter & this revelation in my heart for about a month now. I pray that it will speak to you and open your eyes the way it has opened mine. It is simply a letter about saying ‘I Love You’!

Andrew, recently you told me you loved me out of the blue. You just ran your little legs up to me and said ‘I love you’… unprompted. My heart melted! When I say ‘I love you, buddy’ you respond ‘I love you too’. My heart melts…

Landon, you are too young to tell me you love me. You have no vocabulary at the ripe old age of 7 months! But, when I walk into a room your face lights up and you kick your legs in jubilee! This is how you say ‘I love you’. When you are crying and I walk by, you hold your hands up for me and when I pick you up; you lay your head on my shoulder and sigh. That sigh is ‘I love you’… my heart melts every single time.

There are no words to accurately describe what is felt when your child says ‘I love you’. I hope & pray that I never grow so accustomed to hearing it that my heart ceases to melt at the proclamation. I pray as long as we live there is a constant communication of “I love you”… “I love you too”.

One day recently, as I reflected on how great it was to hear those words from your child, I felt sadness. I thought how terrible it must be for parents who children do not tell them they love them. Those children who have total disregard for all the things mama & daddy do and sacrifice just for their children. How heartbreaking to give all of you for your child and to get little to nothing in return from them. No I love you… no thank you… just take, take and take some more. As much as a parent loves a child, to get no expression of love in return must be the worst feeling in the world.

Light Bulb! Sometimes, the Holy Spirit can really swoop right down and grab you by the shoulders and shake you until your teeth nearly fall out. I cannot tell you the number of times since becoming a mama that the Lord has said to me “How much more do I love you”?

You see, I love you boys so much it hurts sometimes, but how much MORE does He love me? I cannot fathom! If I long to hear you say ‘I love you’ how much more does He desire to hear it from me? If my heart melts because of a mere smile you give me when you see me, how much more does he desire that reaction from me? I take and I take from him, blessing after blessing and yet day after day I find myself too busy to say ‘Thank You, I love you’.

Oh, like a dagger to the heart! I do love the Lord… I really do, but I am really lacking in my communication with him. And he loves me enough to point it out to me. I don’t want to go another day without telling Him that I love him and thanking him for all he has given me. I want you to be raised in a home where you see this lived out in front of you. As you grow, I want you to understand where your blessings come from and I want you to know how to return love to him. Sure, you’ll fall short, but I pray your heart is open to his voice when he convicts you of that.

I love you my sweet, sweet boys. I love you more than you could ever imagine, but how much more does he love you? Acknowledge it and return it!

Mama

Boys,

Last night, both of you at separate times, snuggled and slept next to me for a while. We shared one pillow and I pulled you close. I kissed your sweet faces about 20 million times and it never once occurred to me that I, myself needed to get to sleep. I am tired today and that’s ok!

I laid there with you pulled up next to me and I prayed for you. Praying for your children, I think, is the very best thing you can do for them. My prayer was simple, really just thanking God for allowing me the privilege to be your mama. Asking him to bless you and to give me the wisdom to raise you in such a way that you grow to know him... to really know him!

I’m not a perfect mama, Lord knows that is true. I work rather than stay home with you. I have no real TV policy – you watch more than the recommended 1 hour a day. I let you eat poptarts and sometimes forget to brush your teeth. I just fall short sometimes; often…

But I love you. I love, love, love, love, love you. I want the best for you. I don’t want the worlds best for you; I want God’s best for you. That’s the sweet spot my loves and don’t you ever let this world tell you otherwise!

Be good & do good because you are good; created by a loving God in his image for might works!!!



Love, Love, Love,
Mama